Tuesday, November 4, 2014

"Super Hydlide" / "Air Driver", Genesis, 1990.

How about this: a video game ad from a comic book? I know, didn't think I did those anymore, did you? Truth be known, I wanted to do another video game ANSI post -- looks like I've got 5 or 6 more of them at least! -- but I didn't want this blog to get too consistently off-theme. So off-topic only on alternating posts. Yard sale season is wound down in favour of flood season, so there aren't too many more "here's what I bought" posts in store until summer kicks off again. I do need to make a post about my next retro video game party -- Nov 15th, coming up! -- and about the bonafide '90s-throwback artpack I just released... but this is not going to be either of those.

This ad scan is distinguished by two qualities: a) it's a two-pager spread, and b) the scan skipped the queue because for whatever reason my splicing technique for the two pages resulted in a file of monstrous size, which I horrifiedly uploaded here to clear up the hard drive space. (Strange but true! But, sadly, boring.)


Enter the Realm of Myths and Legends.
A wise old oracle has predicted the second coming of evil. One young man has been chosen to save Fairyland from the source of the evil and eliminate it. What fate awaits our hero and Fairyland? Only you can answer this question.

In the cloud city, many important clues and items can be found, and purchased.
Deep within the Submerged Palace, you search for a space suit, an ancient computer, and other items, while fighting hoards of killer robots.
Outside the city in the woods, you begin your quest by fighting minor enemies to power your character up for the long quest ahead.


Top Secret Briefing:
The details of your mission are top secret. You must find and eliminate enemy terrorists and their evil leader, using your skills as a Top Gun pilot to penetrate enemy lines without detection. It is up to you to save the world from this dark force.

Execute barrel rolls while blasting vulcan guns at the enemy. [screenshot]
After defeating a level, dock inside the Super Transport and be repaired, refueled and restocked with weapons. [screenshot]
Take on the North Pacific region at night; enemies have no chance once they're in your sights! [screenshot]
Specifications on the F-119/Stealth fighter.

Two NEW Exciting Games for Genesis ACTION AND ADVENTURE!

"Wise old oracle". Redundant much? Is it possible there was any better translation than Fairyland? One must assume so. I don't care about whether the clues can be found -- but can they be purchased? Thank goodness! I for one am one game player who needs no search for an ancient computer. There's some obvious hordes/hoards muddling going on here, but if robots can be considered mobile objects -- like cars for instance -- could a group of them someone had stored up not be considered a hoard? Some people hoard gold coins, others hoard Impressionist paintings. Me, I hoard killer robots... I store them in the room in front of the closet where I keep my space suit and ancient computer, and other sundry items.

Screenshot number 3 describes the basic gameplay mechanic of CRPGs, not having noticed that AN ASSERTION OF THE WAY A GAME IS PLAYED IS NOT CONSIDERED A SELLING POINT IN AND OF ITSELF. All it establishes for sure is that the use of the term "ADVENTURE" at the bottom of the ad is, as usual, incorrect.

On to the Top Secret Briefing. Hey, did we mention that this briefing was top secret? Your mission is so unexpected and beyond the pale, its contents are highly classified. This time, instead of funding freedom fighters, your mission is to eliminate enemy terrorists. Strange how there's never any shortage of this kind of mission, isn't it? "Just what is a Vulcan gun," I pondered to myself, before Wikipedia answered the question definitively. Getting buffed at the end of a level also isn't a selling point, you guys. Won't it stop being fun playing against enemies who "have no chance"? Also, as a kind of DVD bonus feature for those who love starting their games up and not playing them, we have specifications for the F-119. So you can, I don't know, build a replica in your back yard.

Sorry, gang, my heart just wasn't in it, but rest assured the next time you see this page bubbling over with F4 blocks, I'll be gushy and effusive!

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