"Eye of the Beholder 3", 1993.

Yes, yes, this blog is absolutely firmly entrenched in its retirement.  That said, just as it poked its head out four years ago (!) to post, transcribe and comment on the print ad for SSI's Eye of the Beholder 2 when The CRPGAddict got around to blogging it, so has he just reached its sequel, EOTB3.  So what am I supposed to do, not blog its advertisement?

Old Video Game Ads Tumblr.  One factor that led to my sunsetting this blog was finding my scans reposted on Tumblr, and now look at me!

OK, let's vent the full text of that ad (what its marketing department might describe as its "copy"):

Advanced Dungeons & Dragons
COMPUTER PRODUCT

FOR THOSE WHO WOULD GIVE ANYTHING FOR A THIRD EYE.

THE GRAND FINALE OF THE MEANEST 3-D GRAPHIC ADVENTURE SERIES EVER!

If you thought it would be impossible to top the first two "Eye of the Beholder" adventures, you're in for a deadly surprise in EYE OF THE BEHOLDER III: ASSAULT ON MYTH DRANNOR. Behold Eye III, with the hottest graphics, a devilishly deep plot, and more cinematics than ever.

This time you're transported to the ruined city of Myth Drannor in the FORGOTTEN REALMS(r) world, where you must wrest an artifact of divine power from the dread lich Acwellan. A massive monster bestiary awaits your journey through the forest, mausoleum, temple, and guilds.

The never-ending complexity with more character action, plots and subplots requires you to think on your feet or perish.

The streamlined interface with the new ALL ATTACK button gives you the smoother moves you'll need to survive in combat.

Eye III is an assault on your senses, with three times more cinematic intermissions and five fully-scored music pieces. Plus the ability to import your favorite characters from Eye II, along with weapons, treasure and experience levels.

The way the developers of Eye III see it, if you're going to go out, you might as well go out in style. Who knows, 40-100 hours later, you might just see the light at the end of Eye III. Then again, you might not.

SSI

IBM

CLUE BOOK AVAILABLE

TO ORDER: Visit your retailer, or call 1-800-245-4525 with Visa / MasterCard orders (USA and Canada only).

There's something a little odd about the text in that ad, which is that if it were a college essay, the professor would bust the student's cribbing of the text on the back of the game's box.  (Or perhaps the ad came first?  They are clearly closely related to each other, as you can see below.)  (I never do this, but this time I did.  Possibly all the ads have followed this trend all along and I have simply never noticed it before!)

Box back from Mobygames

THE THIRD EYE IS THE MOST EVIL OF ALL.

The Grand Finale of the Meanest 3-D Graphic Adventure Series - Ever!

Behold Eye III, with the hottest graphics, a devilishly deep plot, more colors and more cinematics than ever.

Prepare to be transported to the ruined city of Myth Drannor in the FORGOTTEN REALMS(r) world, where you must wrest an artifact of divine power from the dread lich Acwellan. Journey through the forest, mausoleum, temple, and guilds, each filled with its own intricate puzzles and traps.

The streamlined interface plays an important role in your survival - allowing smoother moves in combat thanks to the new ALL ATTACK.

After 40-100 hours later, you might see the light at the end of Eye III. Then again, you might not.

[screenshot]
3-D View!

EYE THESE FEATURES:

• Massive monster bestiary.
• All-new monster allies include: sprites, were-tigers and lizard-like humanoids known as Saurials.

AN ASSAULT ON YOUR SENSES.

• Over 30 portrait and letterboxed still shots.
• Three times more cinematic intermissions.
• Five fully-scored music pieces.
• Over 70 digitized sound effects.
• Import your favorite characters from Eye II - with weapons, treasure and experience levels.

OK, so what can we learn from these ads? Let's evaluate the claims made in the prose:

Two games in a row now, they've made a point in the header of describing the games as "mean".  (We don't play them because they're kind and gentle.)  Also, they're really riding hard on the presumed malevolence of the rather benevolent "third eye" concept from Hindu mysticism, the ajna chakra.  Clueless or racist?

It's a little weird to abbreviate the game as "Eye III".  "EOTB" is only one more letter!  "Hottest graphics" -- you know, you have to be pretty hot to surpass Westwood, the developers of EOTBs 1 and 2 and undisputed champions of production values, and while SSI seem to possibly meet that level here, I wouldn't presume to claim that they surpass it.  If by "devilishly deep" they mean "involves many dungeon levels accessed through downward staircases, some populated by demonic monsters", I'll allow it.  More cinematics?  "Three times more"?  I really don't recall the previous two games having much in the sense of cinematics besides their introductions and conclusions, so are the ad writers really boasting of the game's featuring somewhere between three and six cinematic sequences?  I guess any increase is an improvement, but not every improvement is a persuasive selling point.  (The game box goes on to boast that this one features "more colours" also, but ... I mean, VGA is VGA, right?  If the previous games didn't exploit the entire potential palette, I'm sure it was for reasons of art design.  But this time we found a way to cram in hot pink!)

The box felt that the dread lich Acwellan was badass enough to warrant italicizing the words, but the ad layout proofer ixnayed that one.

"Never-ending complexity"?  The game does have an ending.  Most comments I see about the ALL ATTACK button involve it seeming like something you'd want, that actually makes gameplay worse.  So by "smoother moves" you may in fact mean it in the sense my father did when he would say "smooth move, Ex-Lax."

"An assault on your senses"?  No, thanks!  Fortunately, I'm reasonably confident it doesn't deliver.  It's cute that they think I might be more inclined to buy their game if I learn that it contains a total of five, five, "FIVE fully-scored music pieces".  If I want an album, SSI, I know where the music store is.  (The box back goes on to also entreat us with the prospect of 70 digitized sound effects.  Dude, I can get those on a single foley CD!)  The ability to import is good but already standard for the series, nothing new.  (And any import that failed to include weapons, treasure and experience levels surely wouldn't be any import worthy of the name!)

Spending 40-100 hours playing this game sounds to me like a game that has likely overstayed its welcome.  A Dungeon Master clone only has so many tricks up its sleeve to offer.  Just think, you could be listening to each of the five fully-scored music pieces for up to 20 hours each!  

The box goes on to boast a large quantity of potential enemies, as well as NPCs from hitherto untapped species -- the kinds your DM usually didn't allow you to play.  Saurials, eh?  Say hi to Dragonbait for me!

"Over 30 portrait and letterboxed still shots".  What are you telling us, SSI, that you have 24 character portraits and precisely 7 letterboxed still images in the game?  It seems a wild kind of desperate flailing around: our software product contains assets!  Here are some tallies of the specific quantities of specific varieties of assets we offer!

I will never forget seeing EOB1 for the first time, but I don't think I ever played the third one for longer than 10 minutes.  All the same, I'm looking forward to the CRPG Addict's playthrough.

Have fun out there, everyone!  This blog now resumes its gradual but inevitable descent into complete torpor!