Saturday, April 21, 2012

"Spider-Man", Atari 2600, 1982

This ad doesn't do much to distinguish itself except yet again, a comic artist uses drawn lines to simulate pixels drawn on a screen, simulating the lines drawn by a comic artist -- a mise en abyme, but toward what worthwhile end? Sadly, none. Spider-Man game trivia: apparently an unreleased Odyssey2 version of this game surfaced a few years ago in a collector's trove. Also: this game was the curious subject of a piece in Marvel Comics' "Blip" magazine about video games, where Marvel got Spider-Man to review Spider-Man in a weird photo spread wherein a man in a bad costume played this game with some kids. (All the while, driving sales for the Atari 2600, profiting Warner Bros., owner of Marvel's rival DC Comics. The things we do to strive for the appearance of relevance!)

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Green Goblin: I'll blow this town to smithereens -- TIME BOMBS! Try to get up THERE IN TIME, Spider-Man -- ha, ha, ha!
Spider-Man: Watch me climb MY WEB, Goblin! (THWIPP!)
GG: Watch yourself fall, SILK-SLINGER! (BLAM!)
SM: Got to stop the BOMBS IN TIME! (THWIPP!)
GG: If I don't get you, WEB-HEAD-- -- my GANG OF NASTIES will! (THWIPP!)
GG: And you're running out of WEB FLUID, BUG-BRAIN! Ha, ha, ha, ha! (BLAM BLAM BAROOM)
SM: Is this MORE ACTION than even SPIDER-MAN can HANDLE?!?!?
The Goblin's time bombs are ticking away. And his Super Bombs sit fiendishly up on High Voltage towers. The city is on its knees.
Only Spider-Man's spidey powers can get us out of this! Thwipp! He shoots his web and swings up the buildings to reach the bombs.
Thwipp! He shoots again, escaping the Goblin on his web-cutting jet glider.
But watch out! Goblin and his warped gang of criminals have more sneaky ways to cut your web and plunge you to the streets below.
Can you get Spider-Man to the bombs in time? Your web fluid is getting lower.
And time is ticking away...
I don't know if Spidey has ever looked more awkward than holding the 2600's iconic joystick in his striped mitts. Also, what kind of fey insult is "silk-slinger"? I would like to learn how to sit fiendishly. The whole bottom blurb reads a bit how one imagines a 6-year-old (who else would describe Spider-Man as possessing "spidey powers"?) might extemporize while playing the game, complete with sound effects.